长干行 （李白）

妾发初覆额，折花门前剧。
郎骑竹马来，绕床弄青梅。
同居长干里，两小无嫌猜，
十四为君妇，羞颜未尝开。
低头向暗壁，千唤不一回。
十五始展眉，愿同尘与灰。
常存抱柱信，岂上望夫台。
十六君远行，瞿塘滟澦堆。
五月不可触，猿声天上哀。
门前迟行迹，一一生绿苔。
苔深不能扫，落叶秋风早。
八月蝴蝶黄，双飞西园草。
感此伤妾心，坐愁红颜老。
早晚下三巴，预将书报家。
相迎不道远，直至长风沙。

 

 

 

我们的第一站，第一大街的OTTO餐厅，我认识的一只猫咪也叫这个名字。猫咪和这个门很小的餐厅都很可爱。原来著名的餐厅不在于门的大小，但是里边很凉爽，尤其是对我们两个坐了5个小时长途汽车的人而言，是一个绝好的加油站。OTTO是一家意大利餐厅，看过关于很多纽约的电影，很多关于唐人街和纽约意大利人的电影，不过，我眼里的纽约没有那么疯狂。纽约的地名很有意思，China town 不用说了，离她很近的是Little Italy，说明不只是华人在占地盘，然后有人告诉我说，两者交界的地方很含混，干脆就叫CHITALY，这地区不用说有华人，也有意大利人。外国人在我们这种人种很纯的国家里，总是会被看，站在纽约街面上的我不自觉地自言自语，“这么多老外！”，不小心被朋友听到，郑重其事地告诫我说“你才是老外”。不过，没有人看我，而且毫不夸张地说，走了大约不到5个街区，我分别听见两组人在说普通话。还真容易忘了自己是外国人。

还是来说OTTO，不是给它作广告，不过Pizza真是我吃过最好吃的，规格很小，没有奶酪和西红柿酱，也没有其他各种各样乱七八糟的配料，就是一张饼，颜色也不金黄，我点了海鲜的，结果饼上堆了一个贝壳山就端上来了，朋友要的是这个店的招牌Pizza，就是在一样的饼上贴上几片肥肥的动物脂肪，那个是我不能染指的，不过两个装饰后的饼看着真是没有什么颜色，简单地出奇，不过味道一流，也许把所有的心思都放在味道上了。简单，但是却能让你永远忘不掉。忘了说，这里的餐厅把菜单和价格全都放在门外边。

Flat Iron Building 熨斗？好友Graeme不顾一个星期的工作劳累，欣然答应带我这个纯牌游客纽约两日游。虽然这是今年八月份的事情，但是回想起来还是让我兴奋。从DC的唐人街坐上“唐人”经营的城际巴士，华盛顿到纽约往返票价每人35美元，据说这已经是便宜得不得了的价位。五个小时，除了中间在加油站的便利店买了点零食之外，所有的时间都在高速路上狂奔。那天，运气还不错，没有遇到传说中的大塞车。

关于唐人街巴士，在北京的时候就听从DC来的朋友说过关于它们的奇闻，后来发现几乎每个坐过这车的人都有不同的故事，据说有的司机会在途中播放A片，不过我们的司机什么都没有放。五个小时的旅程，并没有那么枯燥，至少，司机在大家去买零食的时候偷偷地躲在引擎边上大口大口地吸烟，从一个塑料水杯里大口大口地吸，像个烟囱。我以为是水烟，但是全车的人在发现了司机的举动后，都大声地咂嘴，发出美国人经常出的“wow””wow”的声音，有人说那是个bong，后来我才知道，只有吸大麻才会用到bong,还是个自制的，因为样子就是个水杯。还算不错，后来这个司机虽然开车开得很快，但还是把我们送到纽约的地面上。好友觉得有趣，想偷偷拍张司机吸烟的照片作为旅行留念，但是时机不对，没有成功。不过我们的运气真是很好，第二天回来的时候居然遇到了同一位司机，所以在他再次充分利用我们买零食的时间吞吐自如的时候，我们也抓到了时机。

唐人街巴士名副其实，华人经营，华人开车，卖票的工作人员看一眼我就开始用普通话问我要去哪里，路线也是从华盛顿的唐人街到纽约的唐人街。比起纽约的，华盛顿的唐人街似乎更整洁一些，而且那里的那个著名的牌坊，现在还刻着那个曾经有名气的北京市长的名字。在我的脑子里，好像火车是最便宜的交通工具，但是美国的铁路系统要价实在是太高，明显没有公路系统的普及率高。公路的绿化倒是很好，一眼望去都是树林，实际上那里边藏着去往各个地区的高速公路。好友认为高速路上的景色与从北京到慕田峪长城的那段路很相似。我倒是觉得我们没有人家那么多的树。

从华盛顿出发，经过很多地方，最后经过新泽西，由远及近地看见了纽约，进入了纽约。在车上恶补了一下纽约的人文，地理和历史，原来纽约的街道都是横纵交错的，非常有秩序，除了百老汇大街有点拐弯外，其他的都很直，所以在这里不太可能迷路。不过，有人带着，我是从来不记路的。不过坐地铁就要小心，进去就迷路，不同颜色的线路在地铁地图上就是一张大蜘蛛网，从什么地方换车还要出去找shuttle bus，虽然是免费的，但是真是让我糊涂啊。好在有有经验的朋友在，一切变得简单了。不过还是觉得自己像个傻子一样跟在人家屁股后面。。。

 

The city looks so mysterious outside the window. Neon lights are shining dimly, and they shed various blurred colors on her right cheek through the only window in his room. He still cannot see her eyes.

“Well, I will really appreciate it if you could just gently touch them.” She said that like he is going to help her with a suitcase.

Joe did not want to admit that, but it is true that she has a charming body, not really sexy though, not sexy. At least that is how he wants to think about the half naked woman in front of him. Her voice is just like before. He used to think that this voice is just perfect to suit anyone. It is good that she still talks like that.

“It is okay, really. Just come over and feel them.” Her voice wakes him up.

This is definitely not the first time he touches her, but those touches had never given him the shivers. Now he can feel that he is touching her back. Not very smooth, there are several small pimples. He did not know how to describe them though, if they were on some other woman’s back, he probably would think they are really cute. Anyway, it is confusing why they are not really cute on her back. She does have a charming body.

“Why do you always consider so much, Joe. Relax, and forget everything. You should have some rhythms. You can stand behind me if you like.”

He knows that she is smiling. Her eyes did not change at all—they still look very confident, very confirmed and very profound.

“You had several women right? Long time ago, when we were roommates.”

 

“Huh, yes, of course you knew that.”

 

“I always wonder how they felt when your hands are over their bodies. So, please let me know.”

 

This gives him more shivers. But he has promised to help her and it seems too late to refuse already, anyway he is the kind of man who never knows how to refuse people properly.

 

“She is a woman, what to be afraid of” He tells himself.

 

He puts both of his hands on her shoulders and the warmth of his hands straightens her back up. He closes his eyes and let his hands stroll over her back, and his arms finally hold around her waist. Bit by bit, they go up, and they are so careful like it is the first time they explore a woman’s upper body. He reaches there, her chest, he feels a very different strength from the chest. Her breasts are pretty. They don’t really fit her age. She must be really excited, or her breasts would be very soft.

 

Suddenly he forgot what he was supposed to help her with. The feeling is strong, and solid. No woman so far has given him this feeling. His muscles relax and his heart beats faster. Her hair, short hair, smells so good. He put his lips gently on her neck and she shivers too, which makes him happy. His hands now have more rhythms, moving from one part to another. She signs and he can hear her breath. It would be great if there is some nice music in the room. His hands forget that they were only invited to touch the upper part and he touches the towel around her waist. It fells on the ground without any difficulty. His hands move up and down and finally reach the part he loves.

 

Just when he touches down there, both of them held the breath and he swallows his spit and shocked by the hard feeling his hands conveyed to him. Suddenly he remembers what he had allowed himself to forget. Their bodies separate and she bent down to pick up the towel. Again wrap it around her waist.

 

“I think I succeeded. Thanks. I had a great time” She says and walks towards the door. “Thanks for letting me stay at your place.”

 

“I was so eager to know how it feels and forgot to tell you that it was not complete…anyway, I will be here for two days, and if you want to talk, you know, just come over.”

 

She closes the door and left Joe frozen in the dark.

This is still about a winter, not specific one, and actually this is just one random winter. The people in the past try to count their ages by remembering how many winters they have experienced. It might be an effecient way, because although winter is winter, they must be different from one another. In the last message I mentioned that the winter reminds me my teenager. I guess the teenager time is supposed to be romatic and colorful. I do have my feelings about winter, but I don't know if there is anyone in this world has ever experienced what I felt. I am from a medium size city in the north east, where winter takes up almost one third of a year. Winter is snow, cold wind, burning face aftering staying outside for a long time, and frozen fruits that taste like nothing. Winter can be nice, if the radiator is hot eough. The so called window flower will appear on the glass. Only on window glass though as far as I know and they look exactly like a picutre of Jungle, except all of them are made of ice. It is still amazing and mysterious to me. I did not go to find out the reason why they can be formed in such beautiful patterns. I guess I just want myself to be amazed. Also, no licking any metal stuff when you are outside. It is not fun at all to do that, but it might be very funny to hear others tounge stuck stories and try to feel your soft tounge at the same time. I do have a friend who tried to open the door which has a metal handel by using his mouth because he was holding something really heavy and unfortunately, immediately, his tounge was stuck on that metal handel and counld not move at all, just like being glued to the door. Another story is from own experience, in my city almost all the students had to go to the street and sweep the snow. It sounds like it is an easy job, actually it is not that easy, especially when the snow is pretty sticky and pressed by the running cars and it turned into a large piece of ice concrete. I was thinking why the students had to leave the warm classrooms and went to the streets while the drivers honked at us if they thought we had blocked their way. So, the winter is not very friendly, rather tricky I would say.

It seems that I am still not giving you enough information in order to let you understand what I am saying. It is okay. You don't have to understand. It is just because I want to say something, and that is why I wrote all the junk above. Still talking about winter. I did not say I don't like it. I just want to know how exactly I feel about it. Have you ever realize the sing of winter's coming? Maybe a lot of people would say the leaves turned brown and it is windy then you have to wear more. Let me tell you what I know about the appearence of winter. It comes silently under the color of the fall, and one autumn night, while I was thinking it was still the autumn, it came. A big round cream color moon, which was so bright and stars were almost invisible. No wind at all but it was chilly. The warmth that the earth accumulted during the day suddenly disapeared, just like a glass of room temperature water being cooled by a big ice cube. The moon was radiactive and giving out all that chill air. I was confused at that moment and all I wanted to do is to hide myself from it becuase I felt the strong soul in the moon light beam.

 

This is the second winter since I came here. I like it here. Although I have been here for quite a while, I don't feel it is a long time. In this winter, I start to feel the heart I had when I was a teenager.

Finally, the short story collection arrived in the typical amazon box. I smiled when I saw the big smile on the side of the box. Wyoming Stories, it writes, by Annie Proulx. Moved so much by the movie, I directely opened the last story, Brokeback Moutain. Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist. All the "classic" conversations appear on the pages. The feeling I got from the moive punches me again, though even deeper. Because both Ennis and Jack are not supposed to be as attractive as Heath and Jake in the movie. The real Ennis and Jack are in this book, in this short story. Rough guys with delicate love and strong sence as two human beings. The story is really short, but the emotion is too strong. If people enjoy the illusion the movie creates, they will not enjoy what the story displays to them, because it's not an illusion...

I am still sitting here in this office and having a really bad haedache. It is annoying to care about things too much, well it is stupid to pretend to be indifferent. This stupic Bond for Glory show makes my head aches even more. The show is sick. I guess right now, I am sick too.

 

i just took a shower. i might take another one in two hours if i did not fall asleep. it is so fucking hot these days. i am almost sweaty day and night. what a summer! my neighbour is an old guy over sixty i guess. Every night after nine he smokes. i bet he is smoking the kind of old pipe which can only be lighted by a match, because the smell is too fucking strong and i can imagine the exact picutre of him holding both the pipe and the match. it makes me cough. The white smoke now is floating in the air right outside my window. I can hear the old guy coughing too.

i wonder why the people in beijing refuse to sleep after midnight. I understand summer is the right season for those energetic kids to spend whole night outside.  but i cannot bear people chatting, singing or even dating under my window. i know exactly what the woman's husband has done to her who lives in the opposite building. It is not a secret either to the neighbour that how much a fat woman paid for her tiny dog. (it is like a mop I have to say.) it cleans the roads everyday when its owner walks it proudly. That was why I was not surprised to overhear my background from two ma’ams when I passed by. Good Heavens, no secret! These days, I am getting more careful. I put on clothes or pajamas first before I come out of bathroom after shower. I don’t let my curtains open while lying in bed. I don’t even walk around in front of my curtain during night, because it is exactly like a shadow play for my neighbours who live in the opposite building. I don’t want to perform for anyone outside my bedroom window. Now I am sitting in the dim light shed by my computer screen and the people in the other building are performing actively, totally unaware of my existence.

今天真是忙了整整一天，先是去学校上了一天的课，明天又有考试。加上北京天气这么闷，真是有点挥汗如雨的感觉。全身都粘粘的。不过，还算过得充实。今天好像不想多写什么，看了丹丹的留言，很开心。希望你快点回来！！！

好，祝大家晚安！

在《人物》上看到郭文景，我很惭愧，居然屡次听说这个名字，却没有重视。他，在荷兰人于1993年制作的纪录片里，蓬头，瘦消，激情都洋溢在黑镜框后的眼睛里。有些人，在音乐的作用下，是会颤抖的。这不是单纯的物理动作，而是神经在沐浴了完美音响和调式的状态下，不自觉地兴奋反映，从尾骨开始像电流般散射到整个脊梁，再倏地钻进脑袋，与乐音产生混响和共鸣。我是有过这样的感受的。肖斯塔克维奇的交响，我在现场欣赏过，但是这种兴奋却是在听了郭文景声情并茂的阐释下获得的。为此，我觉得他实在了不起。与谭盾，叶小刚和刘索拉为同窗，他必定有些过人之处。但是，他是不需要用同学来为自己壮名的。李白的《蜀道难》在若干个世纪后找到了他，也交响的环境中找到了最合适不过的表达方式。四川乡音和着管弦乐队，在乐音和谐中渗漏着高傲和撕心裂肺的咆哮。《狂人日记》在交响的共鸣下，显得那么逼真。海外的演出，没有演员来自中国，所有唱段，对白都由这些演员操着带口音的中文完成，但是，却丝毫没有影响观众对《狂》剧的理解和热爱。它像是一枚炸弹，在西方炸响的郭作为作曲家的声誉。原来，中国不是仅有旋律棉柔的旋律的。

 

看《挪威的森林》已经是n长时间以前的事情了。现在重读，感觉和理解都比那时候强烈。前言上说，这是一个非常凄婉的年轻人的经历。我反对这种说法，这只是翻译者的看法。我倒是在书中感到了解脱和一种类似复仇得逞的快感。不知道为什么会这么看，但我就是这样想的。我是绝不会再读书前看前言的。习惯用书夹夹住前言，等读完整本，再回头看看别人和我的见解又何不同。回到书里，我最喜欢的还是小林绿子，性格表面上大大咧咧，甚至有时候粗糙，不合时宜，但内心却细腻美好，犹如初春的花瓣，几乎是透明的，又无比的滋润。而看起来，感觉上都要更温柔的直子，应该是渡边的最爱吧，骨头里注满了倔强和对自己的不宽容，几乎不能在性上接受任何男人，当然也带着偏执的倾向。我自己就有点偏执，所以我讨厌这样的特点。虽说讨厌，但真要改变，变得正常又不是简单的事情。而且，未必我所认为的正常就是正常。另一个有意思的是那个玲子，事业半途夭折的古典音乐家，对现代音乐的掌握有着极强的天赋，对某些旋律的品位也很到位。她好像是在故意否认内在真正的自己，所以疯了？。。。。。。这小说的内容，在我看来不能被仅仅定位为凄婉的青年男女之间的关系。我看到的是无论男女在寻找自我过程中运用的不同方式，和挣扎的过程。就好像《失乐园》，如果单单说成是婚外恋的绝唱，是不是太肤浅了？从那个角度看，《失乐园》绝对是一个对精神文明有害无利的样本。我觉得两本书都在说人寻找本源的故事。只不过，这个本源是抽象的，感性的，健康的，可意会而不可言传的。那么难以捉摸。

我爱上了村上春树那样的风格，我还是要说，沉浸其中，我未发觉任何的凄婉。

 

 

我买了气球，彩条，好多蜡烛，约了其他六七个酒肉朋友，准备给今天过生日的红发美人一个惊喜。红发美女来中国差不多有三年了。但才开始学习一点中文。不过，英语，法语，西班牙语好得不得了。还好，经常聚在一起吃饭的这些朋友里，她不是唯一的异类。所以，饭桌上永远充斥着至少三国语言。就这样各种亚洲的，欧洲的，美洲的鸟语混杂在一处，你唱我和，直到所有人晕头转向，不知所云为止。谁也不能说自己的母语比别人的更动听，因为，听起来都是嗡嗡的一片。比起这个，我还是比较害怕见面的时候，不仅是初次见面，而且是每一次。无论在哪，这些国际哥们儿们几乎都要互亲脸颊以示亲热和友好。我粗略总结了一下，左右各亲一次的应该是法国人，先左后右再左的应该是荷兰人，亲吻和拥抱同时开弓的应该是拉丁美洲的。我还是喜欢中国传统的抱拳礼或者是道个万福，虽说不入时，但是卫生，避免了很多不必要的皮肤接触。说是说，我从来就没有推广过传统的greeting方式。我倒是入了他们的俗了。。。为了这个生日惊喜，我还得提前潜入人家的地盘。。。今天见面被亲的几率一定小不了了。